First, Weird Al Yankovic Tumblr Drama
OK, I’ve been trying to get a grip on what’s happening with the Weird Al Yankovic Tumblr stuff and I think I’ve finally got a sense of it.
Some kid named Albert made an account called weirdalyankovich.tumblr.com and has essentially been pretending to be Weird Al on Tumblr for several years.
The account went viral about four days ago after a Twitter screenshot was posted of fake Weird Al answering a fan question about whether or not Weird Al was "tryna bust it open.”
The real Weird Al then seems to have made a Tumblr account and posted a question to the fake Weird Al’s blog.
Then the fake Weird Al blocked the real Weird Al.
Then the real Weird Al posted a video asking the fake Weird Al to stop roleplaying as him on Tumblr.
Now, Albert — the fake Weird Al — is trying to clear things up before Tumblr mods ban his account for LARPing as Weird Al.
Hopefully the Weird Als can settle things without mods getting involved.
Up Second, We Have Just Two Real Good Tweets
Lots to think about here.
Now, the B A C K R O O M S
There’s a new Creepy Thing courtesy of 4chan’s paranormal /X/ board. The above image was posted there last week with the caption “Can anybody redpill me on the Backrooms? Saw this on a previous thread and it’s got me intrigued.” Basically, the Backrooms are like an endless liminal space that sorta looks like the back of an anime convention.
People are having a lot of fun with it. There’s a video of infinite Backrooms, someone did a “What If We Kissed in the Backrooms” meme, and one Twitter user has even written a defense of the Backrooms which includes, “Comfy carpet that lets you walk barefoot or with socks,” “Good light that lets you do important things when needed,” and “You're alone.” Ugh, my dream.
Next, An Extremely Cursed Pizza
I could have sworn I’d seen this pizza above before, but I may be confusing it with the candy corn pizza and the Sleepy Time Chicken, which have similar vibes. I have several questions about this and only some of them have to do with the actual taste of this thing.
How much chocolate is on it?
How did they get the mint on there? I’m slightly terrified that’s tooth paste or something.
How did Kari Steele, a journalist for ABC15 in Phoenix, Arizona, find this image? It does seem like it was first posted by a shitposter named @Scathach_Says in April. So how did it go from an anime avi kid to a verified journalist?
Is it possible this would actually taste alright if you took the broccoli off?
Alright, Here’s A Seth Everman Investigation
Apparently, Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” is just a Nickelback song. I think that makes me like it more now. Also, I think it’s time to acknowledge that “How You Remind Me” actually totally slaps and it being a bad song was just a psyop run by Generation X music critics who couldn’t accept grunge was over. Please send me hate mail about this.
Before We Finish, An Update
Last week, I included two very bad tweets (you can go check out Tweet #1 and Tweet #2 here if you want to for some reason). I got a wonderful message from a reader named Fulvio, who tells me the awful nonsense described in both is probably not medically possible. I don’t know if Fulvio is a doctor, but he sounds like one and on the internet that’s all that actually matters. Here’s what Fulvio said:
Hi Ryan,
If it can help ease your pain, both of those body horror tweets you linked are bullshit and not how human anatomy works.
1) There are no macroscopically visible nerves in or around the nipple. Also if anything were piercing through / tugging on a nerve you would be in excruciating pain.
2) Fibroids do not grow in the vagina, they grow in the uterus (which is not accessible by tongue). Spontaneous expulsion of fibroids can be a complication of uterine artery embolization (a procedure that is done for fibroids), but outside of that it's extremely rare and there are only a few case reports of it.
Btw I love your work, have a nice day.
Finally, The Standard Model of Ario Theory
Twitter user @weeble posted this handy chart for how various Mario characters could be Wa’d. Turns out the Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi baseline we’ve come to understand may actually be incomplete. Based on how the names work, there must be a Wamario, Wuigi, Wawuigi, and Wawario out there somewhere. Here’s another chart if you’re having a tough time wrapping your head around this.
It should be pointed out, however, that @weeble’s Wa Supersymmetry Model does leave out Peach and Daisy, which some Twitter users have an issue with. Fun fact! @weeble is not the first person to propose this type of theory. The webcomic Left-Handed Toons has “The Standard Model of Ario Theory,” which argues that due to the color scheme, we’re missing one more set of brothers.
But I found another chart that argues there should not only be a Wawario and a Wawaluigi, but two more, for a total of four brother sets. Here it is represented as hypercube using a three-way axis of pureness, evilness, and brotherly dimensionality. It posits the existence of an Ario and an Uigi.
Glad that’s all sorted. How this impacts the existence of Bowsette is, for now, still unclear.
P.S. here’s ska Pikachu.
***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***