Cheese: Grated, Libs: Owned
Read to the end for catgirl Garfield
I hope you had a happy and safe and socially distanced Thanksgiving that wasn’t full of too many awful Zoom calls. I’m extremely grateful this year for all of you. Thanks for reading Garbage Day. Today’s email is going to be a little shorter than usual, see you all on Monday!
First, A Good Tweet About Tarzan
A YouTuber May Have Found The Utah Monolith
I saw this in the Discord server for my Twitch streaming group. There is a TON of annoying build up in the video, but the YouTuber, HeavyDSparks, appears to have actually flown a helicopter to the site where the Utah monolith is located. Skip ahead to 8:30 to see the important bits.
I wrote a little bit about this on Wednesday. Last week, Utah Public Safety stumbled across a big mysterious obelisk-looking thing in the desert. I had originally assumed that when the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve a beam will shoot out of it and the current world simulation we’re trapped in will turn off and we’ll meet the inter-dimensional aliens that have been holding us hostage.
After actually seeing the monolith in the video, though, it’s a lot less interesting tbh. It’s kinda small looking and looks pretty cheaply made. Ugh, another 2020 let down, if you ask me. One interesting thing though is that one corner of the structure faces due north, which may imply the existence of three other similar structures somewhere?
Seeing as how crappy this year has been, though, I’d say there’s a 50/50 chance this whole thing is gonna end with like a big reveal that this was all just done to announce new Fortnite DLC or something.
A Truly Jaw-Dropping David Guetta Video
I saw this video going around this morning and, I say this as someone who has seen a lot of truly deranged content on the internet, this is next level bad. I audibly gasped.
Here’s A Cool Lava Lamp Fact I Just Learned
I guess this made the rounds a few years ago but I did not know about it until I saw a thing about it on my Tumblr dashboard this week. The internet infrastructure company Cloudflare has figured out a very interesting way to do encryption — lava lamps!
Cloudflare has a wall of 100 lava lamps in their office with a camera pointed at it. The camera is constantly taking photos of the wall and then converting the lava lamp shapes into strings of numbers. The result is the lava lamp wall acts as a random number generator that is essentially impossible to predict and thus extremely difficult to hack. Neat!
Apparently Cloudflare’s offices in London and Singapore use their own avant-garde random data generators. London has a camera snapping photos of a double-pendulum. Singapore’s, however, is easily the most bad ass of the three — it’s constantly measuring the radioactive decay of a uranium pellet.
New Boss Baby Dropped
Back in May, one of my favorite internet creators, Nat Puff, tweeted a very important question.
Well, unfortunately for both Puff and the rest of humanity, this week, that question was answered…
Dreamworks is releasing a sequel to 2017 The Boss Baby. The sequel is called The Boss Baby: Family Busine$$ lol. The trailer is truly insane.
It’s Officially Revenge Loaf Season
For those of you who haven’t spent every single day of your life since 2008 looking at Tumblr, you may not be aware that there’s a fairly popular post about a “revenge loaf” that starts getting shared more frequently around major holidays. The original post was created by a user who has since deactivated their account, but thanks to Tumblr’s unique reblog structure, users keep adding recipes to it. The version I saw going around this week had three recipes underneath it.
It’s a wonderful living collection of family recipes mostly being shared by estranged children to spite homophobic and abusive parents. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that some of the recipes are genuinely great!
Happy Thanksgiving To Everyone Except The City Of Boston
Unlike the item above, here is one recipe that NO ONE should share and is wildly cursed. I woke up to this in a text from my friend Karl and it has ruined my entire day.
What’s even worse about this is that this recipe is from 2010! There’s literally no reason Boston Magazine needed to share this again this year. 2020 has been horrible enough! We don’t ned to look at a springle-covered turkey that’s been brined in Dunkin Donuts coffee and stuffed with donuts.
The original “TurDunkin” was created by MIT students 10 years ago for the blog Unwholesome Foods. Boston Mag tracked down the original creator. Here’s how it tastes:
In order to truss this turkey, the bird is soaked overnight in a bath of orange- and strawberry-flavored Coolattas. It is then stuffed with toasted Munchkins that have been sautéed with onion (fancy!), covered in a doughnut-inspired sugar glaze and sprinkles, and served with (what else?) coffee gravy made with Dunkin’ Original Blend…
…How does it taste? “Pretty good! Sweet and sour in the right way,” says Baniszewski, now a Cambridge resident, though she will allow one regret. “In retrospect, we should have gone with a traditional red-eye gravy.” You live, you learn.
Oh btw if you’re saying to yourself, “wait a minute, where have I heard of Boston Magazine before?” They’re the devils that posted the clam chowder popsicle last year.
Some Good Cow Content
An Interesting Observation Courtesy Of Letterboxd
Huh, this has really given me a lot to think about.
OK, one last food thing.
This is actually two of my favorite genres of internet content happening at the same time: A British person proudly sharing a disgusting photo of food and a conservative accidentally revealing the grim loneliness of their life. Obviously, the best example of the former is the infamous Kirk Cameron Subway sandwich birthday photo from 2011.
If you aren’t familiar with Paul Joseph Watson, congrats! He’s a British Info Wars contributor who is very popular in the US for basically just aggregating whatever right-wing tabloids in the UK have reported that day.
There are a lot of incredible replies to Watson’s absolutely disgusting photos. Here are a few of my favorites:
“Its true libs absolutely hate it when you put grated cheese on top of baby food”
“lookin good king, you eating with your family and loved ones??”
P.S. here’s catgirl Garfield, sorry.
***Any typos in this email are on purpose actually***