E-Girl Bath Water $3,000 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

Read to the end for an interesting discussion about Jiminy Cricket

Jul 12, 2019

This week’s issue is going to be GIANT-SIZED because I was on vacation last week. Also, if any of you nerds read newsletters over the Fourth Of July weekend, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Alright, Let’s Talk About The Bath Water Stuff

belle.delphine

i am now selling my BATH WATER for all you THIRSTY gamer boys 💦 check out my new shop where im selling stuff for you!! www.belledelphinestore.com

July 1, 2019

This Bell Delphine. We’ve talked about her before in Garbage Day (see issue #9). She seems to have really figured out a niche trolling gamers in the last few months. The jury is still out on whether or not she is Good. She has been accused of stealing nudes from sex workers and selling them as her own. She has kicked off another controversy by selling her bath water. I think the rapture did happen in 2012 and actually we’re all in hell now and don’t know it.

belle.delphine

What was i going to do to top my pornhub stunt? well if you guessed selling my bath water youd be right!! 💦💦
get your very own here...
www.belledelphinestore.com

July 1, 2019

Anyways, I don’t really want to focus on Delphine here, because honestly, her whole deal is too complicated for me to investigate in a newsletter I make for fun. What I’d like to focus on is this dude who claims he did, in fact, buy the bath water.

🍕 VITO 🍕 @VitoGesualdi

People are so mad because I spent $30 on my princess's holy elixir. Get a job kids, then you can afford nice things like me.

He also claims he both drank it and vaped it.

🍕 VITO 🍕 @VitoGesualdi

I have tasted m'lady's sacred potion, and it was magnificent. Link to video in reply.

For what it’s worth, a 4chan user who claims to be molecular biologist said they also bought it and tested it for DNA and is calling the whole thing a scam.

Bastard The Uncaring @NonCaringBastrd

So apparently there are no traces of human DNA in Belle Delphine's bathwater, and she is liable for a class actions lawsuit. Fucking hell lmao

This whole thing is so insanely dumb.

Bastard The Uncaring @NonCaringBastrd

Can you people stop discussing biology underneath my tweet please it's a fucking nabbed 4chan post who even gives one?

Everyone involved needs to go to therapy. The only silver lining about this entire thing is that it resulted in maybe the greatest newspaper article ever written.

According to UK news site, Metro, “In hentai pornography, women are often shown with their eyes rolling back, tongue hanging out, and blushing or panting. The idea appears to be to show an intense level of arousal, where someone loses their faculties completely.” Amazing.

Second Up, We Have A Great Chart

Caroline Wazer @CarolineWazer

Cannot stop thinking about this diagram applying the hero's journey paradigm to the process of getting a nose job

Not much more to say about this to be honest.

Next, Some Great Comics

Dave Rapoza @DaveRapoza

Steve Lichman (more in replies)

Next Next, A Huge Milestone For A Great YouTube Channel

Skatune Network Ⓥ **Commissions Are Open!!** @Skatunenetwork

I’ve spent 20 minutes refreshing my YouTube channel so I could catch it at this subscriber count. This is the most important moment in my channels history

Nice.

If you don’t follow Ska Tune Network on YouTube, you’re missing out. It should come as no surprise that this is extremely my shit. I’m very proud of him for achieving the perfect number of subscribers.

Oh, Here’s A Cool Political Cartoon

Relatable! Also, this comes from a Tumblr called feetpicdealer, so this might be semi-serious. Not sure. Honestly, don’t feel like investigating.

Next Next Next, A Pokémon Thing

たかや @tky888tky

ポケモンの「ニョロモ」のコスプレ

Nope!

Oh, Here’s Another Pokemon Thing

Nintendo of America @NintendoAmerica

Alcremie, a Fairy-type Cream Pokémon, produces whipped cream often used by pastry chefs to make delicious desserts! The happier Alcremie is, the richer the whipped cream! When attacked, Alcremie throws a sweet-scented cream to blind or distract the opponent. #PokemonSwordShield

Nintendo, this week, announced a new Pokémon called Alcremie. The internet pretty much immediately decided it looks like a bunch of cum and now everyone wants to fuck it. Here are some choice comments:

Oh, and this whole interaction:

Maybe global warming is good? And should kill all of us sooner? A thought.

Oh, Here’s A Cool Pic I’ve Been Texting People All Week

We sure live in a society.

OK, You Guys See The Mouse Family Post?

Horrendous Jake Kablooie @JakeMHS

This is an r/relationships post from the SA peanut gallery thread because the original was deleted. You will not regret reading this one although you might scream. 🐀🐀�

Lot’s to mull over here. I think she’s overreacting.

Now, A Post That Will Make You Go Hmmm

Hmmm.

Cool, Here’s Actually A Great Tinder Bio

george @deathinaponcho

this this is the fucking worst thing i’ve ever read

Almost Done, Here’s An Epic Brand #Win

Drew Gooden @drewisgooden

Excuse me @Delta but this is outrageous. I just got sucked through the toilet hole in one of your aircrafts and am now hurtling through the sky, can I get my money back? This never happens on Southwest.

Delta @Delta

@drewisgooden Hello Drew, I am sorry to learn of this, can you provide more detail to what occurred. HBB

Drew Gooden @drewisgooden

@Delta got sucked through toilet hole

I hope Delta can help Drew out. Love when companies go the extra mile for their customers.

I Swear, We’re Almost Done

My friend Katie put this in a Slack room we’re in together. Blame her.

Before We Go, Can There Be a DILF Elf?

A few months ago, an anonymous user sent a Tumblr user named beetledrink a message that read, “dilves” immediately made me thing “dilf elves”"

“i dont think dilf elves can exist i dont think its possible… but im open to being proved wrong,” beetledrink replied.

Then another user named hylianhighlands made an interesting point: Santa.

beetledrink admitted that there was a lot to unpack there.

So what do you guys think? Is Santa a DILF Elf? Please send me your answer in the form of wildly explicit essays. Thank you.

Lastly, Politicians Are Doing Weird Anime Shit Again

Jair M. Bolsonaro @jairbolsonaro

- Obrigado pela homenagem anime! Nota 10! 👍v

We’ve talked a lot about Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro’s weird relationship with anime (see Issue #2). He did it again, this time posting fan art of him posing with Goku. I don’t really know what to do with this.

Meanwhile, Democratic candidate Marianne Williamson seems to be leaning into the Tumblr meme that she’s actually trying to trigger the Human Instrumentality Project from Neon Genesis Evangelion. She seems to have officially become self-aware.

mariannewilliamson

The biggest problem with the world is that we do not show up for one another. We withdraw in judgement rather than extending ourselves into each other’s lives. There is literally nothing we could not achieve were we willing to join with each other at deeper levels. Some people say, “Stick with spirituality, Marianne; stay out of politics.” But that’s like saying to an artist, “Create something beautiful but never show it to the world.” Spirituality without application is dead. It’s in the world of politics that transgression against a spiritual sensibility is the most egregious and most dangerous. Humanity will literally not be able to survive itself, if we do not awaken to our oneness and come to the realization that in love and love alone are we at home. Evangeline created this meme, and I saw it online today. Those are indeed my words, and I think people turning them into memes is utterly fascinating. What a way for the mind to process something. The use of lightheartedness can be a very serious thing). #bigtruth

July 8, 2019

It’s not totally clear how much she understands what’s happening here, but based on previous instances of politicians embracing anime shitposts, this will either stop being funny immediately, spiral out of control to the point where some kind of authority figure has to step in (if any even exist anymore), or, most likely, both.

P.S. here’s that interesting discussion about Jiminy Cricket.

***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***

Garbage Day