First Up, Some Friday Tunes
Chances are, if you use social media, you’ve been swarmed by K-Pop stans at some point. IMHO they’ve replaced 4chan as the cultural heart and deranged hivemind of the internet. Honestly, good. They kind of rule. If you’re unsure where to even begin with K-Pop, I recommend by friend Ikran’s BTS starter pack playlist. I’ve been listening to it for the last two days, and while I can’t actually explain what kind of music BTS makes, I can’t say that I don’t enjoy it.
Second Up, Here’s Just Some Good TikToks
I’ve watched a lot of really good TikToks this week. I have no thoughts about them beyond the fact they’re good. Here you go:
The dude who owns a bunch of ferrets and a duck (just watch his whole page)
Alright, Thiccer Waifus Time
Look, I’ve been warning you guys for sometime now that things are gonna get a little wild in this newsletter. I want to say that if you scroll any further, you’re going to learn about something really horrible. I’m upset about this. If you want out now, go for it. Come back next week. For those of you who wish to learn the infernal knowledge contained below, just know, this was your choice.
This was sent to me by friend Cates. Introducing the “Real Thiccer Waifus” blog. From what I can tell, it’s a blog where people submit photos of already pretty thicc anime babes and ask the blog’s owner to photoshop them so they’re even thiccer. Here’s what it looks like in practice.
This one is titled “Mega thighs Murakumo” and it was apparently requested by a Discord user. Here’s another one titled “Super busty Gagaga Girl” and it was also requested via Discord.
There are more examples of this on the blog. Too many if you ask me! They’re all that weird mix of like not really NSFW but also absolutely not SFW. I scrolled for a while looking for any kind of context or explanation about what’s happening here, but I can’t find any. Just lots of thicc waifus. Anyways, let’s move on.
If You Can’t Get A Thiccer Waifu, Try This
This is “The Original Girlfriend Pillow – Cute and Fun Wife, Companion or Cuddle Buddy – Body Pillow with Benefits – Funny Unique Gag Gift Idea – Body Pillow, Pink” from Amazon. It was sent to me by my friend Megan. It has 4 1/2 stars and is described as being, “a must have for every cute couple who can’t always be together-as well as for every single guy who could use a special friend.” Hmmm. Check out this photo of a man totally using this thing the way I’m sure every man who buys it is using it.
The top review says, “Got for a joke for my husband, the joke is on me....today it got a hole in it.....tiny little white balls everywhere....on my fourth load of laundry and the down comforter will go to the cleaners tomorrow $$$ very unhappy!!!!” Hmmm.
Now, A Good Creeper, Aw Man Video
I don’t know why I find these so funny, but I really do. There’s a lot of these bouncing around at the moment. This one is pretty good. This one is really good too. If you don’t get what’s happening here, it’s a Discord meme where a chatroom tries to type out the lines from this Minecraft parody of Usher’s “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love”. If someone screws up the sequence, the room has to start over. Literally none of the ingredients involved in making this meme are cool or good, but the results are funny almost every time.
Oh, Did You Know There’s An r/odeo Subreddit?
This is the top post on it.
All the other posts on it are pretty good too.
Um, Here’s A Weird Dr. Phil Thing
Like the Thiccer Waifus Tumblr, I'm not 100% sure what to do with this. The blog is called “Dr. Phil Imagines”. Unlike Thiccer Waifus, which I’m fairly confident is just a fetish thing, I think Dr. Phil Imagines could be a troll. The only problem is I think it’s such an intense troll that it’s maybe going all the way around again. The blog’s owner describes themselves as:
I'm Phillis. I'm a 34 year old white woman who adores Dr. Phil. Welcome to my hospital. May post imagines sometimes, though lately I have not had much time for that. Apologies.
A lot of the posts seem really preoccupied with the idea of Dr. Phil being a brony. Here’s a sample of what this person’s been writing:
“He loves anime, such as Naruto, Madoka Magica, and Soul Eater”
“Going to a Smash Mouth concert with Dr. Phil, and they start performing their hit song, All Star. You look each-other in the eyes lovingly, as this is the song you fell in love and lost your virginity to.”
“~ Imagine ~ Dr. Phil killing you”
“~ Imagine ~ Dr. Phil smiling down on you as he forcefully removes all 26 of your teeth with pliers.”
“God he’s so fucking sexy and warm I want him to fucking break all the bones in the lower half of my body Fuck Dr. Phil Your’re so fucking hot I’m sweating and hsaking simultaneously my heart is palpitating its’g rwoing 3 sizes like the fucking Grinch Who Stole Christmas (whom is also sexy) Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck I can’t fucking rbeathe he’s so hot just ufcking impregnate me with the fucking Osomatsu Brothers already fuck im so horny right now. I’m sorry”
Finally, An Interesting iCarly Wiki Entry
Twitter user @spamofthemic sent me this. It’s a video documenting the absolutely confounding length of a wiki entry on “Seddie,” which is apparently the ship name for Sam and Freddie from the show iCarly. According to the wiki:
Sam and Freddie started off with a love-hate relationship, showing strong feelings of dislike towards each other, constantly fighting and arguing. First, it was Sam showing hatred towards Freddie, then he started showing hatred towards her.
The entry is impossibly long. Just for shits, I tried to see how many pages it would take to print the whole thing out. It is 43 physical pages long. From what I can tell, it contains almost forensic breakdowns of every moment Sam and Freddie have ever even come close to physical intimacy on the show.
“They have kissed eleven times; ten, on the lips, once on the cheek,” the wiki reads.
After a lot of scrolling, I did make it to the bottom of the page. Here are some comments:
“So I have a serious question for y'all....Do you ever think Seddie will be confirmed in one way or another? I'm desperate. I watched the show about a year ago and I'm revisitng this page and the memories are just flooding back to me now. I would feel so amazing if Seddie were to get confirmed somehow, but do you guys think it will ever happen?”
“I’m glad Seddie was on Sam & Cat. In my Sam & Cat fanfictions, I’m going to use Seddie a lot.”
“Same,Seddie For Life im crying everytime i watch the videos on youtube”
P.S. here’s that truly incredible comic.
***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***