Garbage Day

Share this post
sexyfurby69
www.garbageday.email

sexyfurby69

Read to the end for a good cat

Ryan Broderick
Sep 6, 2019
Share this post
sexyfurby69
www.garbageday.email

First Up, Taylor Swift Fans Are Angry At Tool

If you’ve never dealt with Swifties, I’d say they’re best described as earnestly deranged. A sampling for the uninitiated:

Twitter avatar for @taylorts7_
cucu @taylorts7_
I wanna kill myself
5:24 AM ∙ Aug 1, 2019
71Likes24Retweets
Twitter avatar for @flyingwthronan
R @flyingwthronan
@taylorts7_ wait til lover drops pls we cant lose sales
5:27 AM ∙ Aug 1, 2019
446Likes126Retweets

They’ve been in full-force online ever since Lover dropped last week. They’re not having a great time at the moment, however, because Tool came back from a 10-year hiatus and dropped Fear Inoculum which is currently beating Lover in the charts. This means that the Swifties are now 1) learning who or what Tool is and 2) becoming very frustrated that they’re beating their queen’s newest release. I tweeted about this a few days ago:

Twitter avatar for @broderick
Ryan Broderick @broderick
Taylor Swift stans learning who Tool are because they're currently selling more copies than "Lover" is really something special
Image
Image
Image
Image
9:42 PM ∙ Sep 4, 2019
8,168Likes2,386Retweets

I made a big mistake doing this, however, because I forgot that Tool fans are even worse than Swifties. Now, a legion of juggalo-adjacent Reddit dads are in my mentions talking at me about how commercial music is these days. This is my favorite response:

Twitter avatar for @EnvectusHD
Envectus HD Gaming @EnvectusHD
@TobiramasSenju @Macy94346 @broderick @ComfortablySmug You need a freaking check up from the neck up. A guy did a study its on YouTube he says music has gotten progressively worse since 2008 and it's mainly because Two song writers write all of the modern pop hits and the elevation of everything to the same tone level
9:29 AM ∙ Sep 5, 2019

A lot going on here. Although, I did learn that there is at least one person out there who keeps going into Tool’s Wikipedia and adding GWAR facts to it. Which rules. The moral of the story here is that, like the movie Aliens Vs Predator, when it comes to Taylor Swift vs Tool fans, we all lose.

Second, They’re Making A Live Action Lady And The Tramp

That’s cool. Hopefully it won’t look like this:

Next Up, A Cool New Instagram Account To Follow

sexyfurby69
making important calls 🦶🏻☎️🐍
August 28, 2019

Meet sexyfurby69. My friend Cates sent it to me and I really don’t like it. At all.

sexyfurby69
🦵🏻
June 27, 2019

Just really cursed energy all around this. The comments are even worse than the content. Here’s a sampling of what people are posting on the video of above of sexyfurby69’s feet:

  • “Ooooh I need to cool down after seeing that”

  • “the foot”

  • “suckable”

No thanks!

sexyfurby69
Hello new followers‼️ My name is Sexy Furby 🔥 Welcome to my homepage 💾! I am the sexiest Furby around. Please enjoy my sexy content! In case you are concerned with all the fur baby posts, I am very fertile at the moment, which is why I have been posting so many little friends. It’s only natural. Don’t worry, if you are here for this sexy boi, we will be back to regular scheduled sexy posts with friend posts drizzled in here and there soon hehehe ❤️ Thanks for following me! Me love you 🤪
September 2, 2019

Speaking Of Sexy Furby, Let’s Talk About Masturbation

Twitter avatar for @sexualjumanji
FaZe SexJ @sexualjumanji
told the stop masturbating app i jacked off to see what happens. wasn't disappointed
Image
2:01 AM ∙ Sep 3, 2019
7,129Likes897Retweets

Ever wonder what would happen if you told your anti-jerking off app that you had, in fact, masturbated? Well, Twitter user @sexualjumanji decided to find out. I didn’t really know that push alerts could be this big. Pretty cool. I’m sure apps like this are probably harmless and probably help some folks, but it’s also important to point out here that a really militant section of the No Fap community are now calling themselves Semen Retainers and have more or less completely radicalized into fascists. Oh well.

Twitter avatar for @SwaggyGod420
$waggyGod420 @SwaggyGod420
@sexualjumanji @helen Me after masturbating to pornographic videos
Image
3:18 AM ∙ Sep 3, 2019
63Likes1Retweet

Finally, Let’s Talk About Jeremy Renner

You’ve probably heard by now that Jeremy Renner both started and then ended a social network this month. The Avengers star created an app called Jeremy Renner. Cool name! It sorta looked like Instagram, I guess? It was, of course, quickly overrun by trolls. Renner got mad about it. Shut the whole thing down. Sad. Fun fact: this isn’t the first time Renner has had this exact thing happen to him.

If you’ve missed this entire thing, or at least, have only really heard about it in the abstract, here are some of my favorite moments from the Jeremy Renner app:

RIP King.

P.S. here’s that good cat.


***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***

Share this post
sexyfurby69
www.garbageday.email
Comments
TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 Ryan Broderick
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing