Welcome To The Kingsman/Mamma Mia Cinematic Universe

Read to the end for a cool meme

First, Click This And Play It While You Read

This was tweeted out by my friend Cates right before I was going to publish, so I felt like I should include it.

Right, Here’s A Real Good 4chan Post

Some of our generation’s brightest minds recently had a discussion on 4chan about whether or not it’s believable that kids in cartoons don’t like broccoli. The OP was curious about it because he, in fact, loved broccoli as a kid. A second user also declared the trope ridiculous. A third user, however, had a much more insightful take on the whole thing:

I was poor so we had nothing but microwave shit and ramen. I didn’t try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. I told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have fucked my friends mom

A story as old as time.

Now, We Have A Reader Submission

I want to thank you guys for reading this newsletter every week! It seems like people are really digging it. I want to give a special shoutout to the folks who keep sending me fucked up nonsense they want me to include. The wildly cursed image above comes from a reader named Mikaela. I, frankly, refuse to believe this is a real thing until I see a video of someone eating it. It comes from a Facebook page for a Sinagporean seafood restaurant and they claim that it’s a “match made in heaven.” On the off-chance I have any readers in Singapore or heading to Singapore any time soon, I will paypal you the money to go find this and film yourself eating it.

Alright, Let’s Talk About The Jar Jar Tattoo

My buddy Brad got an interview with a guy who has a full-length Jar Jar Binks back tattoo. The guy’s name is Michael Ouellette, he’s 42 years old, he loves Jar Jar and the prequels, and he wants you to know that he’s had sex before:

For the record – I don’t live with my parents. I am married. I have had sex (multiple times). I have friends. I have a job. I do go outside. I know that Star Wars isn’t real. They are just movies.

Cool!

Moving On, Here’s A Podcast I Totally Slept On

I might be the last person in the world to find out that the guy from Welcome To Nightvale did a podcast with John Darnielle from The Mountain Goats. I completely missed the first season when it came out. It’s currently in its second season right now. I binged season 1 this week probably faster than any podcast I’ve ever listened to. I’m a huge Mountain Goats fan and season 1 covers probably their most important album, All Hail West Texas (I can’t actually rank Mountain Goats albums because the Mountain Goats album leaderboard in my head is constantly changing (lately I’ve been very deep into Heretic Pride)). Season 1 features a different cover every episode. I’ve listened to Holy Sons’ “Source Decay” cover maybe 100 times since Wednesday.

Next Up, An Economics Lesson

This happened back in December but thanks to Tumblr’s insanely long content tail, I only came across this week. Twitter user @nudeobama appears to have successfully traded her dirty socks for a Nintendo Switch. I don’t feel like reaching out and seeing if this is true because this is a #JournalismFreeZone, but I will say that back when I worked at VICE, I was researching how to do this exact thing. Right before I left, I was about to sell my socks to men on the internet (to write a piece about, I swear). So, at the very least, this is believable.

@nudeobama said her dad was jealous she got a Switch from a random person on the internet. Apparently he said, “This is wrong youre taking advantage of old men who dont know any better.”

My favorite take on this was from Tumblr user pissvortex, who wrote, “imagine being 14 and your mom wont buy you a nintendo switch like all the cool kids at school have and then you check you favorite meme account and you see some girl just got one for free just because foot fetish weirdos with a lot of money exist. imagine trying to cope with this but your brain growth has been stunted by being terminally online so all you know how to do is say shit like ‘begone thot’ to stop yourself from crying about it”

Finally, A Fan Theory

There was a very viral tweet about this last October, but it looks like it’s been going around Twitter since at least last summer. Someone has even edited a Kingsman fight scene so it’s set to Meryl Streep’s version of “Mamma Mia”. It’s perfect.

I did some digging and it looks like the oldest and most in-depth dive into this theory was done by Tumblr user transmanrichardstrand back in 2016! They make some excellent points:

  • in “mamma mia!”, which is arguably set in the 90s, he plays an englishman named harry

  • who demonstrates an affinity for aliases 

  • isn’t “spontaneous”

  • is gay

  • in “kingsman: the secret service,” where the main story is arguably set in 2014, he plays an englishman named harry

  • who demonstrates a penchant for aliases (”galahad”)

  • can’t afford to be spontaneous bc he’s a secret agent and if he doesn’t plan things out he will probably die

  • tells a random woman that he’s gay (among other things) (he’s implied to be lying but literally nothing in the film indicates that anything in the line where he says that is not true)

I’ll be honest here, I haven’t seen either of the Mamma Mia movies because I’m too emo to like ABBA, but this all seems right to me.

Wait, Before You Go, A Correction

I made a mistake last week. It’s been corrected on Substack, but I wanted to clear it up for subscribers. In the last issue of Garbage Day, I said that /DinoTendies/ was the guy who made Sleepy Time Chicken. That is untrue. Sleepy Time Chicken was just some random 4chan user who boiled a bunch of chicken in Nyquil. /DinoTendies/ is a very specific /ck/ user who makes disgusting food in a dilapidated house. He’s on Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon and currently spends most of his time hanging out with a possum.

P.S. here’s that cool meme.


***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***