OpenAI’s mysterious “secret device”

Welcome to Garbage Weekend. It’s the internet garbage you know and love, but in a format that’s easier to read while you buy tickets for the Garbage Day Live shows!!!

Before we get into today’s issue, two things: First, no issue on Monday. Garbage Day is finally going to start taking public holidays off. None of you should be reading email on Memorial Day anyways. You’re welcome.

Second, Garbage Day is doing a three-night residency at Baby’s All Right in Brooklyn this July. Tickets are officially on sale. We’re going to try and save democracy in America. Or, at the very least, figure out how we broke it. Each night has a different theme and different guests. You can grab tickets for each night by clicking the links below.

• July 8 — “The Masculinity Crisis”

• July 15 — “Silicon Valley Ate The World”

• July 22 — “America Is Doomed”

Alright let’s get let’s talk about the week…

President Trump reportedly spent about 15 minutes at his long-awaited crypto-bros-only dinner. That’s more or less as long as he spends on coming up with new tariff numbers for both companies and countries, since he seems to view the global economy like the racism dial. Make your choice: If all you want is “number go up,” just keep an eye on the list of dead Democratic politicians. And if you want things sinking as deep as they can go, you can now watch footage of the OceanGate Titanic submarine imploding. Not all of us can withstand underwater pressure like Tom Cruise. But we might need some kind of superspy to deal with OpenAI’s mysterious “secret device”.

Oh well, here’s some fun stuff…

• Relationship on a resume

• Piglet feeling its first snowfall

• Good Tumblr post

• An amazing Reddit comment

• An ominous bottle cap

• An important and slightly NSFWish Tumblr feature request

• Good post about the amulet

• “Please Jesus, save me”

• Elmer Fudd cradling Bugs Bunny disguised as a pretty woman while pretending to be injured

• Gumbus soup

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