Welcome to Chud Nuremberg

The midterms have brought an abundance of internet garbage, and Garbage Day is coming to DC to help make sense of it all in partnership with Run For Something. It’s a night of comedy, music, some journalism, special guests, and scheming to make the internet fun—and progressive—again. Tickets are moving fast. Hit the green button below to grab one before they’re gone.

The long 2016 has finally ended! Democrats put up CIA-sponsored color revolution in an oil-rich country numbers yesterday. In fact, they crushed yesterday’s midterms so spectacularly that one Trump advisor told CNN that the election was “too big to rig.” Which is certainly heartening to hear, but I don’t really love how comfortable they are talking that way!

Elon Musk easily had the worst night out of anyone, dropping half a billion dollars on the election just to walk away with a blue Texas and a Dem-controlled House and Senate that absolutely want to throw him in jail (or worse ❤️). Tesla and SpaceX stocks are in free fall this morning. The only real pockmark on the night for me was Angie Nixon’s totally avoidable loss in Florida, which also meant we didn’t get a fully blue Eastern Seaboard.

If the Democrats can capture the panhandle in 2028, we will finally be able to manifest our true national destiny and connect Portland, Maine, to Miami, Florida by a nationalized Maglev train line. Imagine it, comrades, skiing Sugarloaf in the morning, and crushing a Buzzball on South Beach at sunset.

The question now, of course, is how exactly Democrat leadership plans to fumble the bag. In fact, Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries couldn’t even wait until dawn broke this morning to start pissing his pants. “This is not a partisan moment. This is a patriotic moment. This is not a blue moment or a red moment. It’s a red, white and blue moment because American has won tonight,” he told CNN.

Wrong, Hakeem! This is Chud Nuremberg. The pedophile class and their incel gamer meat shield spent the summer playing with AI dolls and watching sex traffickers looksmaxx on Kick streams and now they’ll have to spend the next decade in Ms. Rachel’s re-education camp. The culture war is over and everyone who knows what “foid” means lost. There’s only one Carolina now and it’s communist.

That was the vibe, at least, last night on MAGA’s favorite website. Streamer Hasan Piker posted on X, “We are putting Asmongold in prison.” While streamer ConnorEatsPants, who had right-wing influencer Nick Shirley on his Fortnite Friday livestream last month, was even bolder, writing on X, “Rough night for the Republicans. If I were currently The Vice President of The United States I’d probably just kill myself,” tagging Vance in the post. Vance is suffering a worse fate today, long-posting on X about how the Republicans Just Need To Do Better.

Just to give you a little bit more color from the Everything App, there was one very viral X post going around that has since been taken down by the platform that I am simply recording here for history’s sake, in case any Secret Service agents are reading this. “To the right wingers who came to make up 70% of this site,” now suspended X user @mertcentury wrote. “You were tricked by accounts in India. You are alone. Never forget that everyone fucking hates you. You’ve probably destroyed most relationships in your life. The night is tonight. Do it.”

You will no doubt see all kinds of explanations this week about what exactly caused yesterday’s blue tsunami. Vox has a good piece about the rise of the “Christian left,” highlighting figures like James Talarico in Texas who worked diligently to pull Christians away from their demented orange calf in a red hat. I also thought Washington Post reporter Jack Herrera’s exceptionally grim report from Vivek Ramaswamy’s watch party last night was pretty illuminating, highlighting one supporter, who was moving out of Ohio, either way, that seemed more upset that he lost money betting on the race than the actual irl results.

According to NBC News’ exit polls, it’s also possible the real driving force behind last night’s results was AI and data centers. It could have also been, as one DC Examiner reporter suggested, the current quagmire in Iran. And, of course, we can’t forget that Trump spent the lead up to the midterms boosting the worst, most garbage candidates imaginable.

Though, I’ve actually got one more explanation for you. One that might not be more or less important than gas prices or AI, but will, I suspect, come to define the vibe shift that follows yesterday’s vote and absolutely inform how Republicans respond to it over the next two years. According to exit polls, Republicans basically lost their entire post-Gamergate base of young men. ABC News is reporting a jaw-dropping nearly 40% swing to the left among men 18-29. Here’s a clip of Steve Bannon learning that fact live on his War Room podcast. He looks like the saddest catcher’s mitt in the whole world.

But it’s not totally accurate for me to say that Republicans lost their post-Gamergate gains among 18-29-year-old men. It seems like they actually failed to transfer them across generations. The peak of Bannon’s loser man cyber army was 10 years ago. It was running on fumes by 2020, even with a boost from QAnon chiropractors and Stop The Steal Facebook normies. And a fresh coat of paint from Austin podcasters and manosphere TikTokers in 2024 couldn’t really galvanize young men enough to hold them for a full presidential term. We can argue all day long about the dark alchemy that Bannon and the Epstein network used to unlock the rage of the millennial man in the first half of the 2010s, but it is clear to me that last night we saw definitive proof that it has not been successfully replicated for the Roblox generation.

That doesn’t mean that men are ok, obviously. Nick Fuentes’s and Clavicular’s still abound for lost zoomers looking for a digital friend. But yesterday’s polling seems to confirm that men have roughly landed back at being as un-ok as they were in 2013. And this seems to have caught the Republicans completely unaware.

The Trump administration spent the weeks leading up to the midterms posting incomprehensible quirk chungus Reddit slop about Malfoid, the genderbent AI Draco Malfoy, Nazi Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels, racist vibe coded browser games, lame lo-fi hip hop radio stations, and stupid One Piece memes. I can’t say it was embarrassing — or even impactful — enough to change Republicans to Democrats, but it certainly isn’t a good look as of this morning. “Shocking everyone, Anakin Skywalker memes seem to have failed to deliver a win for the Republican Party,” podcaster Robert Evans wrote on Bluesky.

This was both the result of, and exacerbated by, right-wingers being swallowed by their own filter bubble over the last few years. Which leads me to my unified theory of what went wrong for Republicans this summer (beyond all the other stuff that went wrong for Republicans this summer).

Back in May, I wrote that right-wing influencer Ben Shapiro’s traffic was in a death spiral. It proved to be the canary in the coal mine for Republicans going into the midterms. I suspect that Shapiro’s Facebook traffic was cratering the way all website traffic is cratering right now, which meant they couldn’t spend as much on buying inorganic YouTube traffic, which meant their public view counts were lagging, which meant they couldn’t raise as much Republican dark money, which broke their whole flywheel, and crushed their algorithmic reach. And based on what I’ve seen, this was happening across the right-wing digital media landscape this year. Established digital media players like Tim Pool and Steven Crowder have all been caught grumbling about traffic (and funding) recently. But no one who could do anything noticed any of this, ironically enough, because of Musk.

All of the major factions of the American right — Silicon Valley oligarchs, AI sex cult dweebs, Substack race scientists, Trumpist DC staffer goblins, psychotic Nazi wizards, and pickup truck selfie divorcés — are all on one app now. It’s the perfect honey pot. They spend their days on X getting their brains absolutely melted by the site’s infinite scroll 4chan feed and because they’re conservatives they obviously assume their sad, lonely worldview and experience online is universal. And most hilarious of all, in the weeks leading up to the midterms, there was a wave of pitiful journalists and academics, desperate for attention, willing to go on Andreessen Horowitz-sponsored livestreams to declare that “Twitter was so back.” But it wasn’t! It turns out The Cruel Kid’s Table was shadowboxing with algorithmic ghosts all summer while a big chunk of their core demographic realized owning the libs doesn’t feel so good when gas is $6 a gallon.

The whiplash of yesterday’s vote for the right wing was, thankfully, captured in real time via Zack Hoyt’s livestream. Hoyt, better known as Asmongold, is a disgusting Warcraft player with rotten teeth who streams from the decaying innards of his late mother’s house in Florida. His bombed out gamer nest is so full of trash and detritus that he once confessed to using the decomposing corpse of a dead rat as an alarm clock, the smell of it cooking in the sun waking him up every morning. He spends his days ranting on Twitch about jailing immigrants and exterminating Palestinians, happy to dance for tips from his rabid audience of racist children and violent extremists. Hoyt is Gamgerate’s Private Teruo Nakamura, Japan’s last Imperial soldier, who finally surrendered and gave up fighting WWII in 1979. Like Nakamura, Hoyt is wasting his miserable, worthless life waging a forgotten war years after it was lost. Hoyt will assuredly and rightfully be relegated to the dustbin of history, once the fever that has consumed this country for the last decade finally breaks. His viewers will graduate middle school and learn that girls will actually talk to them if they shower every day and they’ll forget all about the sad ghoul they used to watch on their iPads. And, last night, Hoyt seemed to suddenly realize all of this.

Hunched over his computer, safe in his putrid goon cave, he raged at results coming in from NBC News’s Steve Kornacki. “I'm so frustrated. I am so unbelievably fucking frustrated. Again, I wish that there were more people that thought like me that weren't sorry about it. But you know what? There's not,” Hoyt told his viewers, seemingly starting to cry. “So it's just me. And that's fine. It's okay. There's no patriots. Some people are saying I might be the last patriot.”

Have you ever dressed up your whole family in “Xmas Jammies” and then recorded a whole song and dance while wearing them? Dreamed of living in a McMansion in Anytown, USA? Or you enjoy inflicting psychic damage on your kids? No? If you’re curious what that kind of life is like, on today’s Panic World we’re exploring the world of family influencers, who will do anything for views. Katie Gatti Tassin of Diabolical Lies and Money with Katie joins us to take an “armchair expert” look at family vloggers and just what’s going on there. Check it out on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

P.S. here’s the new national anthem.

***Any typos in this email are on purpose actually***